On the lighter side..."A cheerful heart is the health of the body."* *Proverbs 17:22 Do you have a joke or a first person humorus story that you would feel comfortable telling your grandmother? E-mail it to us at sfccr@slip.net

1998 Spider Webb

one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" "The same idiot," replied the parrot, "who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

 

TEXAN-ENGLISH DICTIONARY

(Easy-to-use phonetic pronunciation.)

Pay Un: A thang used to cook in.

Pan: A place where one serves a life sentence.

Camer: A thang you take pitchers with.

Meer: A looking glass.

Woosh: Like "Ah woosh you would be muh sweethort, Mary Lou."

Tal: A thang you dries dishes with after they have been washed.

Rinched: What happens when your hurt your back.

Hayud: Where you keep you brains.

Hay Und: Something that holds your five fingers.

Hayut: Something you put on your hayud.

Bob War Fants: Something to keep cattle in the pasture.

Warr Plars: Something you cut a Bob War Fants with.

Rat Naow: Immediately if not sooner.

Rat Cheer: In this very place.

Rat Tare: A little south of Rat Cheer.

Maon: Like "Ah don't need a ride, ah has maon cawur."

Mals: 5280 feet.

Punchard Tar: Something that goes flat when you don't have a spare in the cawur.

Brayud: Something you make a sangweech with.

Sangweech: Something made with two pieces of brayud.

Tarred: Like "Plum tuckered out."

Rinch: When you soak your clothes in clear water.

Ranch: Something to take a nut off a bolt with.

Rayanch: Any piece of property over fifty thousand acres.

Merkan Cissen: One born in the USA.

Whurr: Like "Whurr's muh hayut."

Whan: Like "Whan yuh comin tuh seeme."

Tant: A thang that holds a revival or a circus.

Born: A billding for livestock on a rayanch.

Wawks: Like when you run out of gas.

Lektrit Fayun: Something you plug in to make a breeze.

Lard: Like in "Praise the Lard."

boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner He told them, "I need three important people to send my message out to all people. Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have two very bad news items for you: 1.) God really exists, and 2.) Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."

Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have Good news and Bad News: 1.) The good news is: God really does exist. 2.) The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."

Gates went back to Microsoft, called his key employees together, and happily announced, "I have two fantastic bits of news. 1.) God told me that I am one of three most important people on earth, and 2.) Tomorrow He is going to end the Justice Department Suit."

Read other articles in the December 1998 edition of the San Francisco Charismatics or return to the Main Menu by clicking on the blue. 1998, The San Francisco Charismatics (ISSN 1098-4046). Member of the Catholic Press Association of the United States and Canads. All rights reserved.