On the lighter side..."A cheerful heart is the health of the body."* *Proverbs 17:22

1998 Spider Webb

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars".

Holmes asked, "And what does that tell you?" Watson replied, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

"It tells me," Holmes replied, "that someone stole our tent."

***

Things to Ponder:

1. Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

2. Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

3. Why is it called the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Feeling old? Consider this:

1. The people starting college this fall were born in 1980.

2. Few, if any, have lived without an answering machine.

3. The expression "You sound like a broken" record means nothing to them..

4. They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

5. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

***

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare after Mass. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

***

The real estate salesman said, "This house has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north."

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

Do you have a joke or a first person funny story that you would feel comfortable telling your grandmother? E-mail it to us at sfccr@slip.net

Read other articles in the November 1998 edition of the San Francisco Charismatics or return to the Main Menu by clicking on the blue. 1998, The San Francisco Charismatics (ISSN 1098-4046). Member of the Catholic Press Association of the United States and Canads. All rights reserved.