On the lighter side... Jokes you can tell your grandmother.

 

Six year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at school that day. "Well, Mom. Sister told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a search and rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his cell-phone to call headquarters for reinforcements. They sent jets to blow up the bridge behind them and all the Israelites were saved."

"Joey, are you sure that is really what Sister said?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way Sister did, you’d never believe it!"

A priest walked into a pub, indignant to find so many of his parishioners there. He rounded them up and shepherded them into the church. Then he solemnly said, "All those who want to go to heaven, step here to the left." Everyone stepped over except one man, who stubbornly stood his ground. The priest looked at him fiercely and said, "Don't you want to go to heaven?" "No," said the man. "Do you mean to stand there and tell me you don’t want to go to heaven when you die?"

"Of course, I want to go to heaven when I die. I thought you were going right now!"

Sister was classifying a new pupil as to what social studies class he might fit into. "Who gave us this beautiful school?" she asked. "President Clinton," he replied "Who gave us our Inter-state highways?" "President Kennedy," came the reply. "Who gave us Social Security?" "Roosevelt," he replied. "Who makes the flowers grow and the rain to fall?" she inquired, to see if he was well prepared for parochial school.

"God," said the new pupil.

At which point came a voice from the rear of the class, "Throw that Republican out!"

Uncle Gus had gone to the Vigil Service for a friend, and after the ceremony sat in the chapel of the undertaking parlor until the crowd thinned out, waiting for his grand nephew to bring the car around to the front of the parlor. The mortician sat down beside him and began passing the time of day. "How old are you, sir?" he asked Uncle Gus.

"Eighty-nine!" chirped the old man.

"Eighty-nine!" mused the undertaker. "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

An evangelist was exhorting his hearers to flee from the wrath to come. "I warn you," he thundered, "that there will be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth!" An elderly woman stood up and shouted, "I have no teeth." "Madam," returned the evangelist, "I assure you teeth will be provided."

Did you hear about this family in Wisconsin who all have terrible coughs? They’re known throughout the state as the Green Bay Hackers.

Return to List of Articles