On the Lighter Side... Jokes you can tell your grandmother. Follow the bouncing ball.

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He’d go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get them published!

The Sunday homily touched on the evils of abortion when a loud hiss emanated from somewhere in the congregation. There was an embarrassed silence. "By the way," Father continued, breaking the silence, "There are only three things that hiss—a goose, a snake and a fool. Stand up and be identified."

Father was leaving church when a panhandler shook his cup at him. "Can you give me something?" asked the panhandler. Taking a five dollar bill from his pocket, the priest dropped it into the cup and replied, "Godspeed."

A few weeks later, the ladies who had counted the Sunday collection brought an envelope to the priest on which was written: "Dear Father. Thanks for the tip. Enclosed is $150. Godspeed won at twenty-six to one."

The Baptist Minister, with a passion for horse racing, found himself at the race track. Since gambling was frowned upon by his church, he never wagered. Off to one side of the track, he noticed a Catholic priest sprinkling water on a horse before the race. Each time a horse was sprinkled before the race, that horse won.

After watching this oddity for several races, the minister thought to himself, "That priest is blessing those horses with holy water. This is not gambling. This is a sure thing!" And he placed a sizeable bet on the next horse the priest blessed. Halfway through the race, the horse tripped, fell, and died.

Approaching the priest, the dismayed minister asked, "Father, you blessed the first three horses and they won and the last one didn’t. What gives?"

"Obviously you are not a Catholic," replied the priest, "or you’d know the difference between a blessing and the last rites."

Rev. Billy Graham, at The SF Crusade, October 9, 1997

Return to List of Articles for November 1997